I wasn’t ashamed because I did something illegal or bad, I was ashamed because I went to high school and I had to work. After my parents separated, the only way to survive was to get a job, while going to the high school.
All my schoolmates were living in the comfort of their parent’s house and care and I was living alone and paying the rent. I had to work to survive. Of course, I could find also older boyfriend who could take care of me, but that’s not really who I am. To stay with someone, just for benefit, it’s not working for me. So, I got a job at a night club. Working during nights, going to school during the day.
Being tired and sleepy wasn’t the worst thing, I managed that somehow. There was no other option, so I didn’t even had the time to feel sorry for myself because I was tired.
The worst part was the look in my friends eyes, when they felt sorry for me. They were looking at me, as I am some poor homeless guy, incapable of normal living by their definition. Some failure, who needs to work to survive. We were all 15 years old at that time, not mature enough to understand it. I never resented them to feel that way about my situation, but the those looks and their words were really like a knife to the heart.
Now, when having successful career and good family life, looking back makes me laugh. It makes me laugh because I was ashamed that I had to work. But the truth is, that that situation made me the person I was later.
In my whole professional career, I never heard anyone saying that my skills are not good enough or that my manager is not satisfied with me. My situation made me a warrior in my professional field. No matter what that field was. Marketing, Advertising, Automotive Manager, Business Development, etc. You probably got it by now, that I am not waiting tables in night clubs anymore. I am in completely different world now.
What my situation made me learn on the hard way that I have to be awesome in every single thing I do, even if it’s just waiting tables. Later in life you meet the same people, who was maybe your manager in the night club and because he knows how perfect you are in everything you do, he will hire your services without any hesitation.
I know now, that there was nothing to be ashamed then. It just made me stronger and more eager to succeed. If I would be given a second chance to go back when I was 15, I would do it all again, including taking the pain from seeing that my friends are sorry for me.