We all found ourselves in life situations where our trust has been abused. To trust in someone or even is something and to find out that our trust has been breached, can really bring out many negative emotions. To give someone something so special, as trust is, and to feel abused, it’s one of the most hurtful feelings one can experience in life.

But, how to know who or what to trust? Let me tell you the said truth. You simply can’t know. There is no way to predict if you can trust in someone or not. You can’t just simply install the trust detector in someone and expect to have the right results before you find yourself in situation, where you feel abused and hurt.

However, there are some signs (pretty accurate ones) which can raise a red flag soon enough, before you really get burned. There are some patterns, which can point you in the right direction and tell if you should open yourself and to trust someone. Let’s dive into exploring them…

Sign #1 – People who are talking with you about other people behind their backs

If you are dealing with person who tends to talk with you about other people behind their back, this is definitely not a good sign. This person is most likely talking also about you behind your back. I know, you might say that it’s not likely to happen, as this person is your best friend, partner or what ever and therefore he or she would never to the same thing to you. But, remember, if one is capable talking about others with you, he or she can do easily the same about you.

Sign #2 – People who did bad things to others

I know, I know, you’re gonna say again now that this person will never do bad with you, but in most cases, this is not very likely to happen. Remember if you are good, you are good. You are good with everyone and everything. There is no such thing, as being partly good or being good just to certain people. There are no excuses to do bad things, no matter what are the circumstances. Either you are good or you are not. There is no middle here. If you want to find excuses for bad actions, you will find plenty of them

Sign #3 – People who are full of false promises

Ever met a person, who is constantly dreaming and promising what would it happen if those dreams were to come true? You probably have and you know that most of such people never really archives their dreams and even if they do, they don’t fulfil their promises. First of all, it’s very good to have dreams, we don’t dispute that here. In fact, it’s a must to have a dreams, but it’s also a must to be realistic. Don’t tell to someone, that you will take care of something if you don’t really intend to or if you only intend to do so, if your dreams come true. Remember, you and only you are responsible for your actions, meaning that you are responsible for your dreams to come true or not. To condemn promises with dreams, it’s really a bad thing. If you don’t fulfil your dreams, you will be responsible for breaking two actions, and probably more then two people.

Sign #4 – People who are constantly complaining

Ah, complainers. My personal favourite kind. They tend to complain constantly about everyone and everything and they always blame others for their unsatisfactory condition. Either they blame other people for their unhappiness or they even blame the religion, God or nature to bring them to bad situation. Looking very realistic, you know that you and solely you are responsible for your happiness. Always remember, happiness comes from inside, not from depending on others to make you happy. If by any chance you do so (depend on others to make you happy) then again you are the one to blame for being unhappy. Even if this seems a bit complicated to grasp, it’s really very simple if you think about it well.

Sign #5 – People who “hang around” with people that they despise

We all have that “friend” who talks badly about someone else and then you see that same “friend” with the one he despises so much. They hang around together, go to movies, drinks, parties even family events. Definitely not a good sign to trust that person. How can you hang around with someone that you don’t like or at least you say that you don’t like? Do you imagine yourself not liking someone (and this is completely fine, you don’t have to like everyone), explaining to some friend that you really don’t like that person and than going out (doing whatever, even just talking over the phone) with the same person that you said you don’t like. How is that even possible? Either you like someone or you don’t. If you are so committed explaining to others that you don’t like to someone and yet you choose to be with that person, who are you then? A great pretender, I would say.

Here we have even a subcategory. An important one. People who are talking badly about their partners to their friends and yet they still choose to share the bed, kids, household and much more with the partners, which they despise so much. This is without a doubt, one of the worst categories of people. If they are not being intimidated or in real fear for their life because of possible abusive behaviour of their partner, stay as far away from this people as you can. This kind of people is pretending from either perspective. Either they are pretending infront of their partners to being happy, or they are pretending infront of you that they are the victim of their relationship. If there is possibility that they are truly not happy in their relationship, they should solve this inside of their relationship, not sharing the intimate details of their relationship with other people, even if they are close friends with you. Relationship should be something so special and intimate that you should not share the details of it with others. You probably wouldn’t want your partner to discuss intimate details about your and your common life with his or her friends.

Sign #6 – People not sticking to their story

If someone is not telling the truth, in some point they will have troubles to follow their lies. It gets rather complicated to keep every single detail of your fake story in head. There is a good quote I heard once and it goes something like this: “The beauty of telling the truth all the time is that you don’t have to remember anything”.  People who are not telling the truth and come with some fake stories, they tend to change the course of their story for one simple reason. Even they cannot follow their story as they are making it up along the way and later on they are not capable of following with it anymore.

Sign #7 – People who love to brag

I never met a single person in my life who loves to brag about this or that and being completely honest and modest. For such people the only goal is to show off and most likely they will do anything for the glory, even tell the lies and step over you if they have to. Their only goal is to look good infront of others, no matter what they need to do for it.

Sign #8 – People who try to force you in doing something

Everyone believes that what he does or thinks is the right way.  Even the rapist or the murderer believes that he did the right thing, or that he had every right to do so, but not many people is capable of seeing the wider aspect of their own actions. Everyone has the right for making their own choices and this should be holy. No one should force anyone into any action, even just with hard persuading. Who ever is trying very hardly to persuade you to do something, most likely doesn’t have the right intentions. No matter what this persuading is, it could even sound like something good, like to convince you to go to faculty, to start a family or God forbid, to change the religion. Anyone who has some moral values, will understand that there is a great difference in giving advice and standing back or forcing someone into do something.

Sign #9 – People not standing behind what they say

This one is a bit linked to Signs #3 and #6, but yet there is a bit different psychology behind it, though a very simple one. If someone says to do something simple, simple as making the coffee, then they should do it. Of course there are some higher forces that can interfere, but in most cases there is no sign of higher forces when that person doesn’t do what he said. If someone is not capable of doing the small things he said to do, you should already see a red flag here. Why? Because if he is not capable of standing behind small actions, how can you expect that same person to stand behind some bigger action that he said that he will do. This kind of person would be very liable person and will change his mind all the time. One thing is to be flexible and agile, but not standing behind majority of the things you say, shouldn’t really be the case.

As for the conclusion, remember that this are only small pointers to raise the red flag and to step back just a little when you see them, but you should’t stick very firmly to them. We are all different and unique and when dealing with other people, one can never predict their next action.

Remember to always stay true to yourself, to stand behind what you say, to look at the things from realistic, unbiased perspective and to use a little of sense when facing difficult situations. Always have a small percentage of tolerance, as sometimes you can’t even trust yourself to do what you promised even to your self (ah, those New Year’s resolutions to stay fit and to discover the world… ).

Don’t forget that you are the only one responsible for your own happiness and protection, so don’t put it in the hands of others. And always stay positive and good!