Trust. Powerful word. Something that we need to earn. We need to earn it from our friends, family, kids, parents, partner and even from colleagues at work. But, how to earn the trust? What we need to do in order to earn THE TRUST? Is there a trust counter? Do we need to do five good things or five really big good things or just one good thing, or it is not about counting the good things that we do, is it maybe about who we really are?

I would say that it’s more about who we really are. Let me explain.

People can pretend to be good and to be someone that they are really not, but usually this can’t last for very long time. Meaning that sooner or later the truth will come out and they will show the true colors of themselves. If, or more appropriate, when this happens, it might be even worse then if they would never pretend to be something that they are really not.

Maybe we all find ourselves in situation, where we need to pretend about something, but this probably shouldn’t be more then pretending to the police officer that we are sorry to exceed the speed limit. Let’s be honest here for a moment. In such situation we are not sorry to exceed the speed limit, we are sorry to get caught, which will have the unpleasant consequences for us. We are just pretending in front of police officer to be sorry, so that he could have mercy on us. And we are so good at pretending to be sorry, that we actually believe ourselves that we are sorry. The obvious truth? If we would be really so sorry about it, would we even do it in the first place? Probably not.

I know, you are going to say now that for the first time it can happen to anyone. True and I couldn’t agree more. We all do mistakes, but mistake is just for the first time, second time is a choice. Meaning that if we are really sorry about our bad behaviour or action, we should transpose it to other situations, and not repeat it even in different situation. For example, if we exceed the speed limit and we are really, really, truly sorry about it, we shouldn’t do similar action for the next time. We shouldn’t also drive when drinking, we shouldn’t use phone while driving, we shouldn’t do many things that could hurt other people or cause anything bad to anything or anyone. Or should we? Maybe we should, because we need to gain experience? Or this is just an excuse to do more bad actions? Who are we then, if we need to do bad all the time, in order to become good after some while? Are we bad then? And when will this “after while” even come? Will we be even here to see it with our own eyes? Can anyone really trust us if we are doing bad in so many everyday situations of our lives? Can we trust someone who is doing bad things, even if they are not directly related to us?

And what exactly is a bad thing? Having kids and not caring about them? Not caring about their feelings, because you need to put yourself first? Or maybe even worse. Having a kid and then beating and hurting the kid all the time? Or driving drunk and killing some innocent live? Can we say here that we just needed to gain experience and that without this experience we would never really understand that this is a bad action? A lot of question marks, I know.

A real life example. Someone that I used to know, but a real person. A middle aged man, let’s call him Mike. Married, two beautiful kids and wife. He gave an oath to them to keep them save, to be there when they will need him, to protect them. They blindly believed him. They had a trust in him. Blind trust. They had trust that he will do everything that he said he will do, that he will stand behind this words. But, one day, he decides that he needs to put his needs first, as having kids, having this live that he lives in, is not really something that he ever wanted. He explains that he didn’t know this before, he thought that he wanted this life, but now he realised that he was wrong. This is not the life that he wanted for himself. He doesn’t see himself to fit-in this life. His kids are growing up without him, as he dedicated his life to work, not to the moments with kids. He doesn’t even really know them. His wife is a stranger, who is always complaining about something, and he is just sharing the apartment and the bed with some strangers. Complainers, that’s what they are to him.

So, he decides to brake all his words in one moment, as he can’t take it anymore. He cannot pretend anymore to be someone he is not. He decides to give up on family life, on his kids and wife. He wants out and he wants to have another life. They are beyond devastated. For his daughter, a 9 year old girl, the whole world collapses. She feels that the MAN in her life betrayed her. She doesn’t believe that she can ever trust to any man in her life. For her, this means that there is no real man on Earth. If her number one man could betray her so badly, there is no hope. His son becomes so angry that he is not able to have a normal relationship in his life. Even if he starts to hate his father, he even becomes more like him. Just business oriented. Just work, money and glory. No feelings, as he learns that feelings are fake. Feelings must be fake, as the number one role model for him, just showed him that. His wife, she never even saw it coming. He promised to her to protect her and to be with her till his last breath. She can’t do more than just crying all the time. But she mostly cries when he is not around, as she doesn’t want him to see her crying over him. She feels that he doesn’t even deserve to know how much she is hurting.

Another twist. After some time, Mike lives alone, his wife and kids are away from him. They don’t communicate much, just occasional fights with his ex-wife. He doesn’t even try to contact his kids. Further in his new life, Mike gets many rejections from new people in his new life and things in this new life for him don’t go as he planned to, so he decides to come back to his wife and kids. They accept him back. He stays low, explains to his family that higher forces were leading him towards his bad actions and tries to re-connect with his family. He is looking for their redemption in giving them many things, but this time including also more of his attention.

Now, a question. Is this enough to gain back the trust? Can Mike ever get back the same trust that his family had in him before all that has happened? Is he really sorry for his actions? If he would be really sorry, would he even do them in the first place? Maybe. Maybe, you will say that Mike has learned his lesson and he understands now the value of his family. But what if I would tell you for a fact, that I know that even after coming back to his family, pretending to be sorry, searching for redemption from them and all that comes along with it, Mike has tried again to escape from his life? Pretty bad, right?

As for the conclusion, I would say to never fully trust in someone who is capable in doing bad things. Especially doing bad things to innocent children who didn’t really chose for themselves that people such as Mike for instance or even worse, to be their parents. I would say to stay real to yourself and to never, but really never ever pretend to be something that you are not, as the truth will always prevail. And when it does, it will be even much worse.